I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to write about this, I guess Im feeling brave and want to share. Maybe someone has been through the same.
Ever since my stint with not being able to be around people because I was bullied, it became very hard for me to trust people and let them in my life. Most people would say I can’t continue to use being bullied as an excuse but it does really have an effect on your entire life.
When I came out as homosexual I all of a sudden became the most popular boy in the school, I was a girls best accessory. Looking back it was totally wrong and I should have ignored it but at the time it was nice to feel like people liked me, feeling so unaccepted for so long does torcher the soul. I guess after this final year at school, I never saw these people again and never kept in touch with them, I washed my hands of that life to move on. (not that college was any better but thats for another time)
In 2008 after quitting my job as a hair dresser, I went to pursue the dream of becoming a super model. I had all the official pictures done and it soon became know that it seemed it was becoming a reality. Suddenly I had a rush of friends that swarmed around me, supporting me, saying I was going to be a success and be a great model. After visiting lots of agencies and online applications, I was constantly rejected for not being tall enough or not what they were looking for at the time. So I broke the news that the dream of become a famous model was not a possibility, well all these people that were supposed to be my friends disappeared never to be heard of again. I decided after that, I would never let people sway my vision and I was ultra picky when it came to who I let into my life, I didn’t wanna feel that betrayal again.
Looking at what I’ve achieved so far, it is great and I am grateful to the people that have helped me out and are continuing to support me. I guess the only thing I worry about all the time is, if word gets out again that my success is picking up again that I will make all the wrong friends. I guess it’s always been a fear of mine.
FossyMeade
